they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
