He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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