alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
