First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
