u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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