Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My dick has a subreddit
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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