# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
