sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
