you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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