Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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