there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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