There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
