I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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