batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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