K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am midnight drunk by noon
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
