people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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