where does the pee come out of this thing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
