Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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