I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
