i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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