C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
