I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
