why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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