Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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