I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
