I accidentally had phone sex last night
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize