You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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