Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
