I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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