Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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