She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
