Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
