why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
