ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
