Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
