Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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