Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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