you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
