Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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