im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
