Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
