dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
