Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
