Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
