Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
