Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
