Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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