i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
