Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
