I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
