He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
