You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize