I wanna bring you to show and tell
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
