Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
