Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
