can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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