I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
