U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
