I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
