so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
