Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
