i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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