We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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