I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize