First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
