How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
