Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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