I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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