Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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