oh god the rape fog is back!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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