Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
