I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
that is very illegal...i love you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
